The following recitations were among the multitude that came in via email back when they were still going up on the site every Friday. From them, you can kind of get a sense of why recitations on STW ended. I was going to put up a video of them being answered but never got around to it. So here you go.
Q) (From Chloe from Aberdeen) Do you know the formula for making a “hit” tv series?
A) If I did, do you think Surviving the World would be a photocomic?
Q) (From Page in Nashville, Tennessee) Do you know what can defeat Chuck Norris?
A) Based on his statements, gay rights, apparently.
Q) (From Colin in Tacoma, Washington) What is the proper method of removing a curse?
A) Two live chickens, a silver knife, a hair from whoever cursed you, a chalk circle, a hooded robe, 6 candles, and the proper incantation, of course.
Q) (From Walter in New Bedford, MA) What’s your take on man’s psychological and spiritual struggles in a post-agrarian society?
A) Clearly, the answer is we need to start farming again. Corn fields for everybody!
Q) (From Peter from Portland, Maine) What are your thoughts on catfish noodling?
A) Oh, I’m all for it.
Noodling is another term for spooning, right?
Q) (From Danny from Ferndale, Michigan) Are we human, or are we dancer?
A) I don’t know, can you do this?
Q) (From Katy, from Ohio) Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself?
A) As prepared as anyone is for the fundamental laws of physics to suddenly become nonexistent.
Q) (From Krista from Cheshire, CT) Why is it you never get the answer you want to hear when you need it the most?
A) Cause if we did, life would be all unicorns, puppy dogs, and rainbows, and that’s just not the reality we live in.
Q) (Stephen in Hermitage, TN) Where does the time go?
Q) (From Tim from Aberdeen) What is the speed of dark?
A) 8 nonsensical units.
Q) (From Fred in Aberdeen) Why do humans listen to music?
A) Because we can’t drink or smoke it, although I’m sure some people have tried.
Q) (From Jenny in Sacramento) Which would you rather fight: a lion in the deep end of a swimming pool or a shark riding a motorized scooter?
A) Depends whether the swimming pool is diving depth and if the scooter is a Vespa.
Q) (From a number of readers) Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
A) … who cares?
Q) (From Garrett in Michigan) I noticed you wear the same hat for every lesson. Why?
A) … why do you think?
Q) (From Caitlin in Easton, MA) How do mermaids reproduce?
A) They get tail from each other. Duh.
Q) (From Chad in Richland, WA) You say “Never trust any guy named Chad.” Would you mind explaining this?
A) Sure. Never trust any guy named Chad.
Q) (From Chris in Aberdeen) A girl broke my heart by cheating on me, what is the best way to get revenge?
A) Finding a girl who won’t cheat on you, and forgetting about the cheater.
Q) (From Tim from Bourbonnais, IL) Why do mullets exist?
A) Because we haven’t discovered what’s higher on the food chain than them yet, so we can drive them into extinction.
Q) (From Alex from South Carolina) Got any advice for a guy trying to impress a girl?
A) (Make sure you distribute weight evenly so you get an even mold. Also, make sure you have enough clay before you start.
Q) (From Richard from Aberdeen) Is it true you can talk to ducks?
A) I can’t, but you try consulting with one and get back to me.
Q) (From Tovy, Philadelphia) How do I know if she likes me?
A) Have you tried asking?
Q) (From Mouse from Aberdeen) Is Computer Science really a science?
A) Only after you’ve dissected one with a scalpel and removed its egg sacs.
Q) (From Alex in Saratoga) What is a good way to say “make love” without actually having to say it?
A) “Have sex.”
Q) (From Ladislas in Aberdeen) Why do my socks keep disappearing?
A) The rest of your clothes offer them up as a sacrifice.
Q) (From Patrick in Ann Arbor) Do you ever use jargon as an insult?
A) No, ‘you jargonhole!’ is kind of ineffective.
Q) (From Grace in Melbourne, Australia) If sharing is caring, then what about STDs?
A) If you’re calling it ‘making love’, then they go along quite nicely.
Q) (From Kaitlyn in Ithaca) So, what’s the deal with dogs and squirrels?
A) They’re mammals.
Q) (From Jenny in Aberdeen) In a hypothetical situation where humans didn’t exist and bunnies were the supreme race of beasts, would they therefore become the 4 fox-riders of the apocalypse?
A) … absolutely.
Q) (From Kaitlyn in Aberdeen) In case of the Robot Apocalypse coming to pass, what would be the best way to ensure my survival?
A) EMP, or unplugging them from the wall.
Q) (From Julia in California) What should we do in the event of a werewolf apocalypse
A) We’ll blow up the moon.
Q) (From David, St. John’s, Newfoundland, Canada) In the event of the zombie apocalypse, what would be the best protection from the zombie squirrels, as they ride the Velociraptors?
A) Knowing when to stop writing your apocalypse fan-fiction.
Q) (From Josh in Toronto, Canada) What is love?
A) Oh, baby, don’t hurt me.
Q) (From Freyja from Austria) What came first, chicken or egg?
A) When they both taste good in a sandwich, does it really matter?
Q) (From Jake in Colfax) What are some things that a guy should NEVER do when asking a girl for her phone number?
A) Throwing up in sheer terror is a good example.
Q) (From Liz in New Jersey) Will you marry me?
A) Already taken. So, no.
Q) (From Cory, Golden Co.) If you were to produce/direct a STW video game what would it be like?
A) It’d be a lot like class, so I doubt anyone would play it.
Q) (From Amanda in Silverton, OR) Why do bats turn left when exiting a cave?
A) Because they’re liberals.
Q) (From Jodie from Ontario, Canada) Why is it men always refuse to shave their facial hair no matter how bad it looks?
A) Because having blood on your face from a poor job shaving tends to scare other people.
Q) (From Zac From Seattle, WA) What would be a good example of a recitation question?
A) Apparently not any of the ones you just read.